This evening in New York there’s an opening of this exhibition by an “artist” whose “art” consists of taking pictures of naked ladies on packed subway cars. He says that seeing pictures of cute girls’ naughty bits as they abide among throngs of vaguely uncomfortable/aroused onlookers helps reconnect us to our common humanity. Is an overwhelming sense human commonality what caused an old guy to suffer the tremors as he watched a pretty 19-year-old do a pole dance (as reported by the NY Post)? Probably.
In this story, most people probably just see either a chance to look at pics of naked girl in the context of pretending to inform to read the news or a hipster artist cynically trying to leverage nudity into scads of sensationalistic media coverage. We see the symbiosis then. Sure it’s pathetic for all involved, but–look!–it works.
Here at the Infrastructurist, however, we see it in a richer context: the “one, two, trend” rule of hack journalism. And, as the third pin dropping in a now-official trend–or “nudity epidemic,” if you will–we think it provides an important opportunity to call for more law and order, because that’s always what we need, particularly where subways and sex are concerned.
First, let’s revisit the three stages of this epidemic.
First, there was the grandfather with 64 arrests, who got arrested a 65th time because “it just popped out” on the 3 train. Sadly for him, there was an FBI employee with a cell phone on hand to capture the moment. As the man was apparently trying with much vigor and for an extended period of time to put his business away, she kept taking photos and then tried to give them to the police. But what did the police tell her? That self-love on the subway isn’t really a police matter, it’s more like a gum wrapper on the floor and the best course of action is to call 311. Instead, the smart FBI lady called the press and Mort Zuckerman and Rupert Murdoch made lots of money off the whole thing, because it was news and this is News York City.
But that was only the beginning.
Now there is a fellow (pictured at right) who was caught undertaking the same activity on a D train, just this very week. He’s still at large (cough) though, so really there’s no joking around on this until he’s been apprehended by a 311 operator.
Finally, there’s this naked “art” business on the L train that runs from Manhattan to the global hipster mecca of Williamsburg where people are known to assume strange mannerisms and patterns of dress (see illustrative photo at left). It would seriously be fine if a regular person didn’t occasionally take this train and it was only hipsters, because–really–who would be hurt and who would care even if someone was? But there are real human beings on those trains too–voting people, who like law and order and demand at least one, but preferably two, layers of cloth covering everyone’s baby-making equipment at all times except when it’s in private and in use.
So we ask you Mayor Mike: When will it end? You want to be our billionaire king for life, but when are decent people going to get their genital-free subway vistas back? Will you here and now pledge to take a stand against pervy subway nudity just as your predecessor Rudy Giuliani took a stand against “splattered” elephant dung art? Also, as a follow-up, when are you going to start arming 311 operators so they can actually start arresting all these people?
CAUTION: The kinda-NSFW subway nude is pasted in below, in all its humanity-reminding glory.
.
.
.
.
.
August 20th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
NYC is a funny place. I wonder, do the subway riders who freak out at the sight of a naked woman (oh, the horror!) react the same way when, say, a pack of motorcyclists scream up a residential street, setting off car alarms left and right and sending children and old ladies scurrying for their lives? Because the latter happens a whole lot more often than the former in this town.
August 20th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
The funny thing is that the penalty for taking unauthorized photos on the train (Homeland Security!!! 9/11!!!) is probably far more severe than the penalty for actually being naked on the train.
August 21st, 2009 at 1:32 am
It may not be ideal, but I see the NYPD’s point. There are more severe problems in NYC that should take higher priority. Hell, there are more severe problems on that same TRAIN that should probably take higher priority.
My wife has witnessed plenty of lewd acts on LA’s Red Line subway. She doesn’t even bother going to the Sheriff’s deputies anymore, because they just stand there and try to hit on her. But compared to some of the things that she’s witnessed, a photographer taking pictures of a pretty model would probably be categorized as one of the more mild annoyances.
August 21st, 2009 at 3:48 am
i cant believe she is touching that pole…ewwww.
August 21st, 2009 at 5:44 am
Photography on NYC subways is legal and requires no prior authorization, unless you want to use external equipment (tripod, lights, reflectors, etc.) Don’t let aggressive cops or anyone else scare you into believing otherwise. There’s a good link at http://www.doobybrain.com/2009/05/18/scan-of-nypd-notice-reminding-officers-that-photography-in-nyc-is-legal/ showing this information.
That said, I make no comment on the legality of being naked on subways.
August 21st, 2009 at 8:16 pm
gawwd bless. nudity. OOOOH! biig deal. this country is soo effen hung up on nakedness. get concerned about real issues, not nekki photos on a train. such a horror. for cryin’ out loud, enjoy the free eye-candy. Ya’ pay to ride a train and you see some hotties prancing around. Sounds like a win win situation to me. So law an order demands clothing. I’ll have to readjust my thinking. Clothes=law & order.
whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
August 24th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
In the summer the subway is so hellish that I’m surpirsed more people didn’t take their clothes off.
August 26th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Wow, a young thin landy is nude on the subway… you don’t like it… must be puritanism… except, she should be treated the same way the that the naked homeless man would be or the old man rubbing his balls against the poll. Just because it’s more sexually arousing doesn’t make it more acceptable. It can be attractive to see it–sure, I’ll rent out an used car and have a private party but it should not be tolerated. Sadly, this is what gets attention from most press because it’s young women with perky breasts–when it’s one of the many other myriad of nudity issues it gets ignored.
That being said, it isn’t the most important issue but it still is an issue.
August 26th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
I’m just gratified that the phrase “perky breasts” has now appeared my website about infrastructure.
-The Management
September 8th, 2009 at 6:42 am
[...] bus; I also remember a maggot scare in a very plush hotel in Amsterdam” … Naked City, indeed … “It’s impossible for a writer in most of Africa to reach a mass audience” [...]
September 17th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
[...] king for life, but when are decent people going to get their genital-free subway vistas back? Mayor Mike: It’s Time To Crack Down On Subway Nudity » INFRASTRUCTURIST « For example, this rather depressing discussion of research presented at the [...]