NYC’s Hottie Transportation Commish Promoting Agenda Of Scantily Clad Cyclists

Janette Sadik-Khan is the Commissioner of Transportation in America’s largest city. She happens to be very easy on the eyes. But she’s also a pro-bicyclist  radical and her crazy agenda is probably going to incite a vicious civil war in NYC between the “elitists” (who like her) and the “little people” (who don’t) when she shuts down Broadway to cars later this week as part of secret master plan to turn it into a park for high falutin’ types.

Anyway, that’s pretty much what New York magazine says about her in a lengthy profile this week. Here’s a more thorough summary of the article:

Transportation commissioner has always been a job about as glamorous as a case of head lice. The last person to hold it was Chuck Schumer’s wife and she was a dreary bureaucrat who had no interest in using her power to do anything creative or original. To her cars were like sewage (in a good way) and the streets like plumbing that shouldn’t get blocked up.  But then Bloomberg, who is rumored to loathe cyclists because they remind him of the Chinese food deliverymen who sometimes frighten him on the sidewalks of his beloved Upper East Side, for some crazy reason decided to hire Sadik Khan who is equal parts hippie and transport nerd, but also one of those supremely genetically gifted people who make all the rest of us feel lame and inferior. Hmm, maybe Bloomberg had a crush on her. After all, she is idealistic and knowledgeable enough to swap ideas with the engineers, but she also hangs with Jay-Z and Diane von Furstenberg in her spare time and wears short skirts that look great on her.

After taking the job, she played it cool for a little while with her hippie ideas, just adding some bike lanes here and there and blocking off some perfectly good pavement in the Meatpacking District. But then a couple of months ago she dropped a bomb about closing Broadway in midtown, which is apparently much beloved by the little people and the taxis. A politician named John Liu from Queens is now saying that the little people are tired of being told what to do by whacky elitists in miniskirts like Sadik Khan and–unlike Mike Bloomberg–they don’t really care if she’s unbelievably hot, thank you very much.

It seems like maybe she was just born hating cars. One person who was so terrified he/she wouldn’t even give his name says that a crazy radical group called Transportation Alternatives “is literally writing transportation policy in the city of New York–unchecked.” Literally, mind you, which means that Janette Sadik Khan is actually a puppet or a robot and this TA group is controlling her policies, which have the effect of encouraging “scantily clad women” to ride around on bicycles in neighborhoods that don’t particularly appreciate exposed nubile flesh. When some anti-scanty clothing activists had had enough and tried to use their cars to block the bike lanes so freely used by the allegedly slutty girls, they were viciously attacked by “bike clowns” in pointed hats who were probably fellow travelers with Sadik Khan. Also the anti-car barriers she installed in the Meatpacking District “resemble female breasts with pronounced nipples” according to some people, and everyone knows that’s totally inappropriate in a neighborhood where Lindsay Lohan hangs out.

While it’s true that NYC might evolve into a more bike friendly place someday, who knows when that will be — the sun may have exploded by then. In the meantime, it’s just Sadik-Khan and her “cosseted elitist” friends who can bike while everyone else has to crawl or drive.

She also pretends like the Broadway thing is a “pilot” program, but that’s just a ruse. It’s permanent, baby. And she has a secret plan she won’t talk about publicly to close all of Broadway, a.k.a The Little People’s Street, on the whole island and plant it with strange elitist grass and turn it into a park that only elite people can use [although that last part is just my own speculation. -Ed.] “It’s hard to characterize how dramatic a change that would be,” says the writer, speaking of the Broadway seizure.

It’s also spitting on Robert Moses’s grave, right? Why can’t we just leave the poor man’s legacy alone.

Random tidbits:
- She doesn’t consult with theater owners enough about transportation policy.

- She likes “speeding around in a chauffeur-driven limo” while pursuing her radical anti-car agenda.

- Florists hate her. Or at least one does.

- She likes to tell Wall Street people that “Biking is the new golf.”

- She brags: “I’m basically the largest real-estate developer in New York City.” Bigger than Donald Trump? Yikes!

But jokes aside, it’s a good article and very much worth reading.

Photo: Mass Transit